Thursday, November 18, 2010

Time To Be Honest

I debated on starting a new blog, which was why I was away for the last couple of days.  Just trying to figure out things, and deciding on what I am going to do next.

I came to the conclusion that I'm going to just stick with one blog, be honest, and besides keeping up with one blog will be easier than having two. 

I feel a lot of the time I am not 100% honest...honest with myself.  I am speaking of my weight issue, health issues, and my all around happiness.  I spend a lot of time pretending that I don't have a weight issue, by eating whatever I want to, not fully accepting my Diabetes, and allowing myself to have bad days without feeling guilty. 

My Weight:

For someone with the wealth of information that I have about health, clean eating, Non Processed ect. you would think that I would be skinny Mini.  But that is not the case.  And you want to know why?  Cause I don't practice what I know.  I preach and share with others what I know, but in turn don't follow my own advise.  I often think, Who would follow what I have to say when I look the way I do?...Taking Health advise from a Fat girl.  I want to change this!!!  I want to inspire others by my actions not my words!!!
I try to act like I do not have a weight issue when I am around others.  By this I mean, I usually eat what I want, even though I know I shouldn't.  Cause Heaven For Bid someone know that I'm on some sort of diet.  But really I have to face the fact, just looking at me they know I have a weight issue.  I guess I just have to get over it.  And besides, why do I feel that being on a diet is shameful?  When really I am helping myself become healthier.  So I should be really shouting it from the roof tops!!! 

I Am Diabetic

I know I have shared my story of being diabetic on my blog before, but thats about as far as it goes.  Again I was feeling shame.  That I let myself get so out of sorts that, that was what caused my diabetes.  That is was my fault, and that I am a bad person for not realizing earlier that I had a problem. 
The other night I was checking my blood sugars at work on break and a fellow co-worker "caught me" and asked if I was diabetic cause they were too.  And it was the first time I shared that with anyone.  I don't plan on yelling this from the roof tops, but I am not going to feel any shame!  Checking my blood sugars shouldn't be embarrassing, it shows that I am taking control!!!  I just have to remember this!

Everyone Has a Bad Day

I have to remember this.  I feel extreme guilt when I have a bad day.  It goes into the evening, apologizing to my husband, then I go to bed feeling this way, and wake up still feeling guilty.  Guilt that I didn't show enough attention to Angelina the day before, not cleaning as much as I should, not fixing a healthy dinner, ect, and thats not a good way to start a day off!  So I am done feeling this way.  Who cares if I through in corn dogs for dinner, at least we ate.  Who cares if I didn't vacuum the kitchen and bathroom floors, the dust bunnies aren't going anywhere.  And Angelina's needs are attended to, and she still loves me even though I didn't play that game she wanted to.  I just have to let myself have a bad day once in a while, right?

Even though I have always been honest on this blog, it was time to get honest with myself.  I have a long road ahead of myself, but I refuse to stop the journey!  A rest stop here and there, but I must keep going. 

I have a feeling that this blog is going to turn in the direction of my weight loss and getting my diabetes in control.  Please let me know if you would like to see me start a new blog for just that purpose and keep this blog the way its started! 

1 comment:

  1. I love how honest you are! Just know you are not alone with these things. I love reading your blog because you are so inspiring and real. It is nice to read a blog that I can relate to on some level's.